I used to enjoy driving back when I first started, and for many years afterwards, but these days it’s such a fucking chore what with all the useless twats on the road that seem to be multiplying faster than an MP’s expense claim, and with all the totally useless tax raising ‘speed scamera’s’.
I drive about 600 km per week now in Holland and get to see more than enough annoying bastards on the road, so lets list the main offenders, in no particular order:
1. BMW / Audi / Mercedes drivers.
This section can nowadays pretty much include any kind of car a fucking sales rep drives as well.
Why do you cunts think you own the road and have the right to drive as fast as you like and as close as you like to the car in front of you? It’s not a race or a game of ‘catch the car in front and overtake’, and I am certainly not going to rush to get out of your fucking way if I see you racing up behind me!
2. Volkswagon Golf drivers, especially the black cars with crappy alloy wheels.
You wankers seem to believe your bog-standard-same-as-every-other-Volkswagon Golf comes with a special driving license that allows you to not bother using your indicators, stop for red traffic lights and obey a single speed limit anywhere.
WAKE UP, you don’t have such a license. And that set of after-market alloy wheels and crappy rear lights do not make your car special or stand out from every other Volkswagon Golf, as all you idiots buy the same shit for them.
3. German and Belgium drivers.
You drive like shit and believe you own the road. Well guess what, you don’t, so slow down and piss off.
4. Polish drivers.
Please, take those lumps of crap you drive back to the scrap yard where they belong, I am sure most are not road-legal and bet you don’t have insurance to drive them either. Those of you that drive the brand new looking cars have probably stolen them.
5. People who drive really slowly behind a lorry and then suddenly pull out into the fast lane in the middle of a lot of faster moving traffic.
You are such wankers for slowing down so much traffic every single day, do us all a favour and stay off the motorways, or at least learn to properly judge the speed of other traffic and only try and overtake a lorry when you are not slowing everyone else down.
6. Lorries that overtake other lorries, even when it’s clear it will take you a few miles/kilometres to complete your fucking overtake.
What is more to say eh, we all know about you and how thick you are. I bet it gives you a big stiffy to overtake that truck in front of you and squeeze directly behind the next one.
7. Twatty parents driving their kids to school 500 meters down the road and causing traffic chaos outside the school.
You really are pricks aren’t you, especially those of you with one kid and some massive great big 4×4 people carrier/Chelsea Tractor. I bet you also park in the disabled spaces at supermarkets too and have one of those fucking ‘Princess on board’ stickers in the back of the car even if you have a son. You get all self-important about how it’s for your feral offspring’s safety, yet cause so many other accidents and aggression because of your selfish behaviour.
8. Twat’s with company racing vans.
Those of you who think the world needs to get out of your way because you believe you are entitled to the entire road all to yourself. You are up there on the twat level with Volkswagon Golf drivers.
9. Wankers who have that desperate urge to overtake on the motorway and cut right back in front of you because they want to exit the motorway.
You really need your faces smashing in, you know that? Have a bit of fucking patience and leave the damn motorway in a decent way that does not cause several other drivers to have to suddenly brake.
10. Scumbags who have no clue what a safe breaking distance is.
When we leave a decent gap between our car and the car in front, it is NOT a fucking invite for you to squeeze your crap car in-between us, so fuck of with shoving your pile of shite in the gap!
11. Changing lanes without bothering to indicate when other traffic is around.
Yeah, we all are psychic and know you want to change lanes, and of course also know you are entitled to drift around as if you own the entire fucking road. Cunt!
I know there are far more offenders than I listed here, please feel free to comment below to add suggestions for the list.